Tuesday, 7 February 2012

Robin, comes out of the closet!

The man himself. Guilty or not guilty?
 Let the evidence decide!

I have known Robin Willbond for a while now. He works for the same company as I do, here in Abu Dhabi. I know he is interested in the great outdoors, he loves hiking in the mountains and many of his holidays are to wild and exotic places, to indulge himself in his passion.

Notice the binoculars!
Not many blonde girls here then is there?

But, I suspect, he has a darker side to his persona. I have suspected for a while now, that he is in fact, a closet birder! These people are a funny species, never able to tell their family and friends what exactly they get up to in their spare time. Always making excuses like

 I have bought these binoculars so I can spy on the beautiful blonde girl, who lives next door!

The closet birder, believes that this is more acceptable to people, than admitting that they actually watch birds for a hobby! They somehow equate birdwatching, with a kind of perversion, that one enjoys, but in private, something not to be discussed, or indeed shared by others. Birdwatching is undertaken by elderly men (usually retired military types), they wear funny clothes and have leather patches on their elbows.

Those of you who know me, know, that I am fair man, of open mind and generous heart. So, what proof do I have that this hitherto normal person, has changed. Changed so much, that his partner Anne, and daughter Jenny, rarely see him.

·        He speaks with a new vocabulary: words like dipped; mega; to flog a habo; crippler; dude; jizz; to grip off; a lifer; its plastic; string; a tick; a mega tick; is it a Sibe? All these weird words, he has been heard to speak, over the last few weeks.

·        He keeps his phone close at hand. When talking to family & friends, he glances casually at it, willing it to ring!

·        He registers his car, before he has to. In similar vein, he regualrly changes the tyres. Always ready for the quick gettaway.

Exhibit A: brand new tyres!

·        He has bought a fieldguide to the Birds of the UAE. He fondles it constantly and as he turns   the pages, a dreamy, far-away look, is in his eyes!

Does he yearn for dear Heidi?
No its this.....

Lappet-faced Vulture,
 the centre of his desires!

·        One day, I casually mentioned about binocualars, the very next thing, he had bought them. He gave a flimsy excuse like, he had vouchers for the shop and the nice blonde girl next door etc. But, I saw through his veil of deceit!

Exhibit B: using the binoculars!

He is even using them in the dark!
·        He constantly monitors the UAE birding website, for up to the minute bird news.

·        He asks questions like: do you think it is likely that a penguin could fly here from the southern oceans ? Is it a tarts tick?Is this good gen? And the most damming evidence of all, Can I put it on my list?

·        The people he hangs out with! Some strange ones here, I can tell you! For example, he talks more & more to the ginger ninja. The conversation is supposed to be about his daughters progress in Chemistry. But we are not fooled for one little minute!

You don't fool us mate!

Ladies and gentlemen, I think that there can now be no doubt, that this hitherto normal person, has transformed into a being, that people no longer recognise, or even wish to be associated with. He has hatched and is well onto the way of being a fully fledged member of the twitching community! There is only one thing in his favour. One thing that may be brought to his defence. The fact that he has never been on a pelagic trip off Kalba. Once he enters these murky waters, inhabitated by Pterodromas, his fate will be sealed!

I put it to you, members of the public, that this man is guilty! Collectively, the evidence is overwhelming. Even his very name is suspect! It is no longer acceptable to hide away in the closet. He should be outed and made to join the flock.

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